What is it about the allure of the six-pack? Not the beer variety (Lord knows I understand that allure too well) but the abdominal type. Similar to bulging biceps, the abs have somehow been anointed as the holy grail of fitness supremacy. Sure, biceps are important but historically more so for guys than gals. The six pack appeals to both genders. In fact, today’s six pack is to fitness what six shooters were to the wild west – a symbol of strength and power. After all who wouldn’t want to roll into a (resort) town with their guns and six-pack blazing? Mere mortals scatter as show downs take place in gyms, beaches and Instagram daily. The six pack is the currency of today’s fitness culture.
So how hard is it to develop a six pack? Can anyone develop one? If you believe the constant stream of ads on social media, a six pack can be had in 6 to 12 weeks – this of course is only possible if you pay for and follow the advertiser’s proven regime of diet and exercise. You want proof it works? Just look at the obligatory before and after photos! Surely that’s proof enough. I mean no one doctors photos right….right? But do you really need a program to pack a guttural punch? What does it really take to show off your rectus abdominis?
Over the years I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how many push-ups or squats I perform I’ll never have a physique like the Rock. While I have other equally impressive attributes (I can do a wicked Jimmy Stewart impression – does anyone remember him – and can make fart sounds with just my hands – I’m a god to my grandson) I am not as physically blessed as Dwayne. But a six pack is somehow different. It seems to me that a six pack is as much about revealing as it is about building. I know that I have the muscles that make up the six pack, it’s just that they’re hiding under a billowy layer of fat. It’s sort of like I know there are sheets on my bed it’s just that they’re just covered by the fluffy down comforter. Strip the comforter away and you reveal the sheets. So, is it possible at 59 to strip away the middle age spare tire and see what’s beneath?
At this point you may be asking why on earth would I want a six pack? I don’t really. I’m not out to impress anyone or have a showdown with Cal at the gym. No, this is more about curiosity than anything. I see countless images of men and women in magazines and social media showing off their finely formed waistlines and I wonder what level of sacrifice went into achieving that look? How hard did they work and what did they do? Have they spent years living on chicken breasts and broccoli? Is their crunch count off the chart? Are these people physically gifted freaks or can a mere mortal develop a finely formed figure? I want to know if I can develop a six pack, hell I’m as mortal as they come. And if so, how long would the process take and how hard would it be. Really, this is just an experiment in self-flagellation and to see if I can actually accomplish it.
How will I do it? Well, I’m going to do it the way I do most things. Through a combination of trial, error, research, hard work and discipline. And if all else fails liposuction – just kidding liposuction sucks. I actually believe the old saying that muscles are built in the gym and abs are built in the kitchen. So, in this case, diet is more important than exercise. I’ll work hard on both. To give you a sense of the task ahead, here’s where I’m starting. As of December 15, 2020 my waist size is XX inches. I use a Fit Track scale which not only gives me my weight but also a rough idea of my body fat percentage as well as a host of other readings that mean nothing to me. Now before anyone goes all “scientific” on me, I understand that these scales aren’t accurate. I’m not very accurate either. The body fat reading is really just a guidepost. So according to my Fit Track I have 24.8 % subcutaneous fat. People with great six packs usually have between 4 and 14% fat. Losing 10% of my hard-earned body fat isn’t going to be a picnic (see what I mean, even my allegories are food related). Make no mistake, this is going to be hard. But what the hell let’s go for it. I said at the beginning of September that my goal was to be in the best shape of my life by next September (2021), my 60th birthday, so a “happy birthday six pack” seems appropriate.
So please follow along and live vicariously through this journey of self-inflicted torture. I’ll post updates and ongoing blogs regaling you with stories of my suffering and that which I learn along the way. If it kills me, I’ll be sure to have the obituary read “death by six pack”. If nothing else, I should have a better idea of how my body works and the limits that aging brings. And if I actually manage to develop a six pack maybe I’ll have that showdown with Cal at the gym and live cast it.